on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
