i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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