Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
