around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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