I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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