Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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