i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
