Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
