please come you make the beer taste better
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
