He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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