she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
