Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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