He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
