the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
