Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
