That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
