no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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