Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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