i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your cock deserves a montage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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