Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
