she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
