Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
