I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
