Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
