Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
