i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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