when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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