Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Its about making memories worth repressing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
