when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
