Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
