Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
