i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
