Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
