It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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