Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
