His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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