who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
