You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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