Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
