I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
