I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
