I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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