you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
