I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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