that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
this is an emotional support booty call
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
