there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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