Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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