My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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