He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
