I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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