We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
