he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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